It Hurts to be Loyal

O.K. so you might be wondering what the title's all about. For as long as I can remember, I've had friends that I've been painfully loyal to. And what I mean by loyal is not that I dodn't talk about them behind their backs (I do wish I didn't do that, and I really try not to, but usually it's to express my frustration and never out of malice to hurt them.)

I don't have a problem telling people what I think, either, so usually if I've said something to a friend about another friend, I've said it to that friend, too. Does that make sense?

What I mean by "loyal" is that in each of my great friendships there have been seasons of silence from them because they don't accept or appreciate something I've said. See when I say things to people, it's out of genuine love and concern. I'm not afraid to speak the truth to people. Even if I know they're not going to be happy with it. Even if I know they're not going to talk to me for a few weeks or months or years. So when they're not talking to me, it hurts because I cherish my friends. It doesn't change my attitude. In my mind, I'm like, "Ang, you knew this was coming. That's how they are. They'll come back around eventually, and might even admit that you were right." And sometimes they do.

So right now I'm in one of these seasons of silence from one of my precious friends. I expressed to her my frustration with some other people she spends lots of time with because of certain situations I won't go into. I have also spent a lot of time with these people, though not as much as she or another fried. I have spent enough time with them to know that they don't appreciate my truthful personality. I've spent enough time with them to know that if I say something they don't like, their answer to me is rejection. I've spent enough time with them to know that investing my time in those relationships is not worth my time because they don't accept me for who I am.

But my dear friend has been my dear friend for almost 4 years now. And has not said more than two sentences to me since Sunday. I know why, too. But I will remain silent, and when she's ready to start speaking to me again I'll still be here. And we will move on. And eventually, it might happen again. And I'll still be here.