The season.

It's been close to a month since I last posted. A lot has happened since then...

The semester ended.
My parents arrived.
My cousin passed away.
Christmas came.
Christmas went.
Just like that.
And now it's New Year's Eve.

As much as I said in previous posts how much I was going to attempt to make the best of this abnormal Christmas season, and enjoy it as much as I could, I can't decide whether I was successful or not. As much as I love my entire extended family, and as much as I love spending time with them, I prefer to spend time with them when there are no strings attached, no expectations to make everyone happy. This comes from the experience with my 16-year old baby cousin (not the one that passed, that's a different post all together) at Christmas. She was not happy with the gift my sweet, Godly, wonderful, amazing grandmother gave her. The gift was my grandmother's best attempt to get my cousin exactly what she wanted, but a different brand because she couldn't find the one that had been specified. That ruined my day. My cousin has never had a strong relationship with my grandmother, and she was completely ungrateful for what she did receive, just a different brand from exactly what she had asked for. I wanted to slap her upside the head and tell her she was being a brat. I practically did in not so many words.

My goal this season was to not want to be anywhere but where I was (in the States), with no one but the people I was with (my biological extended family), doing nothing but what I did (celebrating Christmas). However, by the complicated chain of events, I wasn't successful. Oh well.

Maybe one day, some Christmas, maybe next Christmas, since I will most likely be in another part of the world with people I don't even know exist right now, I'll just spend Christmas reflecting on the birth of Christ, remembering that that's the whole reason we as Christians celebrate, because God came as an infant an infant to the world in human flesh to be crucified for my sins, me the most vile of all sinners. That will be most important to me.

I am thankful, however, for the opportunity for my family...my mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together, that was the best part of the whole time.

Music that Makes Me Want to Move My Feet and Swing My Hips Latin Style

This afternoon on my way to class, I decided to plug in my earphones and listen to music on my third trek up the hill of the day. Yes...count them, one. two. three. So I went to play some good ol music that makes me have to concentrate real hard to not start moving my feet and swingin my hips latin style. Carlos Vives music makes me happy. He's this amazing Colombian musician that just has some awesome beats in his stuff. You are greatly missing out if you have never experienced the joy of Carlos Vives music ringing out in your ears.

Yeah, I know, my skin's as white as I'll get out, but somewhere deep down inside me there's some semblance of a Latin-loving heart that just automatically wants to turn wherever I am standing into a Salsa dancing floor every time a latin beat comes on. I wonder if it has to do with where I grew up? I think so.

Salsa...I love you.

Precious Emma

Tuesday morning, at sometime between 7:40 and 7:50 in the morning, precious little Emma Ruth Buxton came into the world as the daughter of one of my best friends.She weighed in at 5lbs 15 oz and is 18 in. long. Isn't she beautiful????

I had the opportunity to go visit all day Wednesday, and spent several hours with this beautiful child. She slept most of the day, of course, but I already love her so much. And she's not even my daughter. I can only imagine how much Jenn and Robert love her.
My prayer for Emma is that she will one day realize how much Jesus loves her and realize her need for Him to be a part of her life. That she will come to a saving faith in Him and love and obey Him in her life.

Thanksgiving and generational blessings

Psalm 100

1Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

4Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

God is so good. I've been thinking a lot recently on my family history. Both of my sets of grandparents were missionaries for many years in South and Central America. My parents are missionaries, and my brother and his wife will eventually probably go to the mission field, as well as myself. These are three generations of missionaries in my family history. I was talking to my grandmother the other day about my brother and myself and my cousins, and she said the thing she's most thankful for in all of her grandchildren that we all love the Lord.

I shared with her tonight before I left to come back to DBU that I believe firmly in the biblical concept of generational curses and blessings, and that I believe it's a blessing that at least three generations in my family have been called to the mission field. She told me that this generational blessing goes back to her great grandfather, who prayed that all of his offspring would be used of God. Wow! What a prayer, and God is so good and faithful to answer that. I only pray that God may find me worthy to be used of Him as well.

I also pray that my future children will be used by God, and that this blessing does not stop with me.

A Place to Call My Own

Sometimes I wish I had a place to call my own...
A place where I wouldn't have to worry about coming home from work in a bad mood and having to pretend I'm happy.
A place where I can leave my stuff in the dryer as long as I want without having to take it out or someone take it out for me and completely wrinkle it all.
A place where the kitchen would be clean all the time, and if it were messy it would be my mess and I know I would clean it up.
A place where I could have people over when I wanted them there and kick them out when I felt like being a hermit.
A place where I could unashamedly play my Spanish music loud and not get funny looks from anyone.
A place where I could cook whatever I want and not get funny looks from anyone.
A place where I could fall asleep on the couch and not care if anyone was going to walk in and see me.
A place where more than my bed would be untouched by anyone else.
A place where I could put whatever I wanted on the walls and table, displaying where I came from and who I am.
A place to call my very own.

But I don't have a place to call my very own. I share a place with 4 other precious women, and though sometimes I need a vacation, I wouldn't replace any of them with anyone. And I wouldn't trade my years with them for years of sheer and utter loneliness. I wouldn't trade the fun late-night silliness for more sleep. I wouldn't trade the admonition and advice for no one to talk to.

Holiday Season

My goal for this holiday season is to do my best and appreciate the people I am spending it with for who they are. I love my family...my mom and dad, brother and sister-in-law, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But the people I am used to spending the Christmas season with are in another country. They are my mission aunts, uncles and cousins, many of whom have watched me grow up since I was a toddler. I love and treasure the traditions of my mission family, so this year I will learn to love and treasure whatever semblance of traditions my biological family puts together.

Christmas in the States, throughout the years that I've been here for them...maybe four or five that I can remember out of my whole life, has always been an array of happenings. I used to look at it positively as having three Christmases in stead of just one. This year I need to learn that my family time matters more than just getting three sets of gifts.

It's interesting, too, how my love language is quality time, yet I don't really look forward to cultivating my relationship with my biological family through spending the little quality time I am able to. I need to look at my missing out on my mission family Christmas as cultivating relationships and spending quality time with my biological family.

Justifying sin.

I've been surrounded for a while by a few Christians who seem to think it's ok to justify their sins. Yes, we're all sinners, I'm in no way perfect. However, there is something very very very wrong with college students calling each other asking if the other has ever written a paper over something and if they can have it to turn in. "most CEOs cheated to get where they are at..." is their excuse. I don't want to hear it. There's also something wrong with someone getting injured and not giving the proper authorities the right information because it's not "pertinent." Yes, I'm a sucker for telling the truth and the whole truth, and I also prefer to not turn something in at all in stead of turning in someone else's work and calling it my own. Of course, these things are not sins that physically hurt other people, and are mostly needed to be dealt with by the person who is committing them, but sin is still sin, no matter who it is against. All sin is committed against God, some is committed against other human beings.

Like I said at first, I'm far from perfect, I have sin that I deal with in my own life, and it's a daily struggle that I have to keep my mind set in the right place in order to take my thoughts captive to the authority of Jesus Christ. Something my pastor has said, and it's one of my favorite lessons I have learned from him, is that the difference between sin in Believers' lives and sin in the lives of un-believers, is that believers have to make a conscious decision to sin. I've thought about this concept a lot, because of how true it is. When I commit sin, I make a conscious choice to do so. I think knowing this truth helps me to not decide to commit sin, though sometimes my flesh causes me to give in.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that, I don't understand how Christians can get off making excuses for their sinful actions.

Sweet treasures from Jesus

Often in my quiet times, which unfortunately I don't have consistently...I'm trying to get better..., Jesus drops sweet treasures in that make me think a lot. Along with reading the Word I have been reading My Utmost for His Highest, something I think every Christian should read. I finally broke down and bought a copy this past summer and I've loved it. This morning I was reading the one entitled "How Could Someone So Persecute Jesus!" and on the last paragraph read something that caught my eye. My friend Oswald writes, "All I do should be based on a perfect oneness with Him, not on a self-willed determination to be godly." WOAH!! it kind of hit me not quite as a slap in the face, but not quite as anything else, either. I wonder often, is all I do based upon a perfect oneness with Him? Or am I out on a self-determined, self-marked path to try and make myself godly?? I think that once I am perfectly one with Him, then is when I will be godly. I think this is a huge encouragement to those of us who try so hard to be godly but constantly find ourselves short of it. Is it easier to be one with Him? Maybe that comes with like-mindedness with Christ. So much to ponder and strive for. Think about it....

Obeying God

I've recently been pondering the different stages that the Lord takes me through in my Spiritual walk. I think during high school, the Lord's theme for my life was teaching me His faithfulness...how incredibly GOOD he is and faithful, so that I could learn to trust Him.

The last few months, though, maybe years, I don't know, God's theme for my life has been Obeying Him. He has taught me to obey Him in so many ways, and taught me about obedience. I guess I started figuring this out when I was working out my call to missions and what God would have me do with that in the next phase of my life, which is rapidly approaching. I was talking to my dad, and he had been speaking with my best friend's father, who was also trying to work out what God would have her do with the next few months of her life. Both of us were struggling with decisions that may take us overseas, to countries we've never been to, languages we've never learned. My dad and my friend's dad were sharing their worries with each other about letting their little girls' out into the world that they'd never been in etc. My dad told me what he told my friend's dad that day, and he said "I guess that's what we get for teaching our children to obey God."

So I've been working this out in my mind, what it means to obey God in all that I do...every day life, every day decisions, and then the big ones. What I strive to do is OBEY GOD.

Worthy is the Lamb

When I was in high school I gained a new appreciation for Worship music. Several girls in my class introduced me to Darlene Czech at Hillsong. Consequently, I started buying Hillsong music, and we all started trading cd's, etc. I must say, this woman is so talented....so so so talented. The Lord has truly blessed this church with amazing worship leaders and inspiration to write songs that have led millions in worship. One song that I know many many people know out of Hillsong is Shout to the Lord. While we barely started singing this song in our churches here in the States about eleven or twelve years ago (from what I can tell...), the copywrite on it is for 1992. I wonder what songs we will be singing in 10 years that the Lord has put on the hearts of those Down Under this year that will lead us over and over again to the Throne...wow.

Here is one of my favorite songs of all time...as sung by Darlene Czech at Hillsong. You can buy it on iTunes...but here are the lyrics. It's amazing and beautiful...I can't say enough.

Worthy Is The Lamb lyrics

Thank you for the cross Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crown
You reign victorious
High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

OH and I'll try to be better about posting. I love you all!!

8 random facts...i've been tagged.

So i was tagged by my sweet friend Ashley to do this 8 random facts about myself thing...so here goes.

1. No one would ever know unless they asked and I told them, that I was born in Mississippi.
2. I've never lived in the same house for more than three consecutive years of my life...this apartment at DBU is about to reach its expiration date on my ability to live in it.
3. I've successfully made up and told two cheezy stupid jokes all on my own...and some people think they're funny. I do, though, tend to laugh at my own jokes, which is sad in and of itself.
4. I'm the queen of procrastination, therefore when I have to stay up until 4 in the morning writing a paper, I don't drink caffiene (it does nothing for me, except comfort me in the morning when I don't want to be up yet), I drink water....lots and lots of water to keep myself getting up to move around and go to the bathroom.
5. When I was 19, I hated being 19...it just seemed like a "blah" age to me.
6. My favorite meal of all time consists of grilled beef-steak (thin), on a thick corn tortilla with guacamole all in one bite. yum.
7. Try saying "Iced-quad-venti-six-pump-vanilla-non-fat-upside-down-extra-caramel Caramel Macchiato" fast five times. That's my drink.
8. As much as I love my biological family...grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, my preference is to spend Christmas not in the States with them, but in Guatemala with my mission family, who has been a part of my whole life, has watched me grow up. This holiday season tradition growing up for me consisted of Thanksgiving in a place called Ixchiguan, (one of those last corners of the world before you fall off the face of the earth places), where 30-40 people, young and old, would cram into a small house to spend the night, in super super cold weather. Then, the Christmas party would come and there would be a gift-exchange for the kids and a white elephant game for the adults (including returning college MKs), followed immediately by the MK retreat in the hippy town at the lake with no more supervision then absolutely needed. Later, Christmas would come around, and that was shared with immediate family, and maybe one other family would come over for Christmas dinner. New years was the grand finale, friends of mine and my brother's would come to our house in Antigua (the place to be at New Years) and we'd go down town, to the strip where thousands of people were, watch the fireworks shows, etc. Thus, my Christmas season was super festive with fireworks all throughout and not having to be with my biological extended family.

Mangos

Today, while sitting in class, a random, precious memory entered my mind. My World Lit 1 professor was talking about the Odyssey, and she said the word "ration." I'm not quite sure what the context was, but I do know that whenever I hear the word "ration" my mind automatically takes me back in time to when I was an 8-year old visiting my grandparents who were missionaries in Honduras at the time. This was the summer between my second and third grade, 1994.

Honduras was experiencing a terrible drought, so water and electricity were being rationed for several hours a day by the government. The power and water only came on for a few hours early early in the morning and in the evening, so we would have to fill buckets with water the night before if we wanted to bathe the next morning. I believe that this was also the summer when my brother and I developed our fascination with entertaining ourselves with candles every time we were around them. Picking the dripping wax off the sides of the candles, rolling it up in little balls of wax, and yes, we even added kool-aid powder to some wax to make it the color we wanted and to see if it would taste/smell like kool-aid candles. Duh.

Our parents had sent us to stay with our grandparents for three weeks that Summer. We went to mission meeting with them at a lake in Honduras, which had a Baptist camp grounds. The place was so humid and disgusting. The name of the camp was (and still is....) BAGOPE, and acronym in Spanish for "Bautistas Gozando y Pescando" (Baptists Enjoying and Fishing). Whatever...the missionaries joke that what BAGOPE is really an acronym for "bugs and gnats on people everwhere." Because if you've never been there, that is really what the whole experience of BAGOPE is. Because even though there are screens on all the windows and doors you have to have a mosquito net to sleep under. I went back there several times throughout Jr. high and High School, and I must say it is not one of my favorite places to visit.

That was one of the weirdest Summers of my life. It was the Summer that my parents moved us permanently to Xela, the city we had lived in half of the time when we weren't living in our village....and when my brother and I got back, we were all moved in to our house and out of the village house that we went to maybe once a month after that.

This was also the Summer when, I guess one night while I was sleeping, I got bit by some sort of "blister bug." I had a massive blister on the back of my leg for days, and it was painful. I had to take antibiotics or something to get rid of it. Weird...don't ever get bit by a blister bug.

Back to my point. One of the best memories I have of this Summer was in Honduras, at my grandparents' house. On those nights when the power was out, those hot, muggy afternoons in one of the warmest places in Central America, my grandmother would cut Mangos (just to clarify, "mango" is pronounced with a long a, as in ah...NOT with a short a as in a) that had to have been the size of a small watermelon. The things were massively huge, and the most delicious Mangos I have ever had in my life. Even to this day, I can't say that I've seen a Mango as big as the ones that my grandmother used to cut for us, nor have I tasted anything as delicious as those Mangos that were the highlight of possibly one of the strangest, most precious Summers of my life.

Books that Changed my Life...

My whole life, I have gone through spurts of being super into reading books, and then I can go for months without cracking anything but a textbook. Recently, I have been in a novel-reading phase. Not so much as one of my roommates, who sometimes would much rather spend the day with a book than with people, but that's ok.

Aside from liking novels, I have never really been into the Christian novelists who are known to write easy-romance reads for ladies. Until recently. I was in LifeWay a while ago, and picked up a book by Karen Kingsbury, called Even Now. The book caught my attention, and was one of those sweet books that I could (and probably did) lay in bed all day and read huge chunks of at a time. As soon as I finished the book, I found out there was a sequel to it, and I had to get it. I bought it and started reading it soon after. The sequel is called Ever After. It too, caught my attention, but more, it caught my heart, and has given me a new, interesting outlook on something in my life that I have never really given much interest to.

Let me explain. Being my MK-self, I have never really felt very patriotic towards the U.S. In the book Ever After, there is a young soldier, the romantic interest of one of the main characters. I won't ruin the book for anyone who might want to read it (once you have, let's chat!) , but things that happen in the book have made me evaluate my level of loyalty to the country whose passport I hold. Yes, some silly mistakes have been made, many of which have cost lives, but because of this book, I am reminded that there are men and women giving their lives for my freedom, and for my privilege to have citizenship to this nation.

This is where one of my many MK complexes comes in...when I finally declare appreciation for the United States, I suddenly feel disloyal to every country I have ever called home. No, I don't have voting rights in any of them, but I do have an opinion about their politics. No, I probably will never live in either one of those countries again, but as I have said before, my past will always be a part of who I am and affect who I become in the future.

Needless to say, I highly recommend these two books, Even Now and Ever After by Karen Kingsbury. And, I went out and bought two more books by her....yes another session will soon begin!

Now that I know...

Now that I know that at least 2 sweet people are reading this blog (thanks Ashley and Elise!!) I will post the thoughts I put down on paper when I was in a very pensive mood a couple of weeks ago....not doing homework. Here goes....

I'm not quite sure what this feeling is. No, it's not love, it has nothing to do with anyone but me. It's an internal yearning, to break out my passport and fly somewhere. Experience something new. It's almost surreal, this feeling. I've had it before, but only when I knew that what I was experiencing at that time of life was only temporary. Like when we would come to the States for vacation or furlough. I knew what was happening was only for a little bit, and that soon I would be returning to my normal life in Guatemala or Nicaragua. It's the same kind of feeling, too, that I would get when I was on the last drive to the airport knowing that that bit of highway was the last I'd see of the US for a while. This sensation is the one I've gotten the last few years a little while before I've been about to travel to Guatemala for a few weeks in the Summer or at Christmas. It's like a final taking in of what's around me so that I can remember everything when I want to return to that moment later on when I'm not liking my current situation. It's almost a feeling of freshness, of knowing that something will soon come to an end, but that something new will soon begin. I want to know if I'm the only one who has ever felt this way before, or if others get this sensation, too. Is it because my temporary life which is full of temporary chapters will soon become a life of permanence in one way or another? With this feeling, my mind has been flooded with small, random memories of moments in my life, but I feel like, for an instant I'm back in that place at that time doing that thing with that person. Am I not accepting my current circumstances? Am I wishing for a time gone by? Am I longing for something I used to have that I will never have again?

I know that soon this college chapter of my life will close and God will take me to a new place, surrounded by new people, experiencing new things. I'll never be that barefooted little blond girl running up and down the only road that cars could go on in that village on the side of a mountain in Guatemala. But that child will always be a part of who I am today, and will have a big impact on who I become. No one will ever know that sassy seventh-grader that I once was, claiming the attentions of many boys in Nicaragua. But the memory of those years will always stick out in my mind as the best in my life, for I did well in school and had lots of friends...until I became that "neutral" new girl in the school I wouldn't have wished to finish high-school at. The pain of the rejection I faced the final three years of my pre-college education will always haunt me and cause me to naturally not want to impose my company on anyone, though people normally enjoy it. I feel that because of that fear, I may not have lived my college life to the fullest socially, but I'm happy with the good friends I've had so far.

It may e the fear and uncertainty of the future that is what causes this sensation to come over me. It is definitely uncomfortable knowing that the soonest I might return to Guatemala is next Summer, and that this might just be the first 12 month period of my life when I have not used my passport for one reason or another. Knowing that the next time i do leave the country it will be for a mission trip to Honduras, and not even home to Guatemala, I'm not so sure how I feel about it. I mean, I love the Honduras trip, and I love serving and doing missions, but selfishly I want to return home to my house, my room, my bed...my youth. But my life will never be that way again. I'll never be back at that carefree place in my life where I can go people-watch in the park for hours on end thinking that moment will never end. Knowing that I need to savor every moment of everything I enjoy about my life is bittersweet. Why would I want to do something with the knowledge that this will be the last time I ever truly might experience this precious moment? Maybe God is trying to teach me something...maybe I should learn to search Scripture in light of the temporality of life. I know that my life is not my own, that Earth is not my home, but I also know that I have a purpose and that is to know honor Him in all I do, loving Him with every breath, knowing Him in light of all the situations I go through. Also, to make Him known to those with whom I come in contact. Living my life and enjoying it as something temporary, knowing that my place is in Heaven should cause me to strive for the enjoyment of what God has given me. After this, my life should, and will, never be the same.

Second to Last Semester...

Well I have two semesters to go. This is the beginning of my second to last semester, and I'm already for it to be over...and we're just getting started. Oh well. Honestly, as ready as I am to be done with school, and as much as I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life, there is still a bit of uncertainty and fear that comes with the future.

I can make plans and apply for jobs and desire to leave the country all I want, but ultimately it's up to God where He takes me next. I'm excited about the prospects and can't wait to see what's in store.

Weddings

This Summer I went to five weddings. Five. Not only did I go to five weddings, I was in three of the five, each of them one week after the other. For three weeks in a row.

Yes, I had to buy three different dresses and be present at three rehearsals, walk down three aisles in three different churches in three different cities carrying three different flower arrangements, three different sets of circumstances, for three different, precious people.

The first wedding I was in was that of one of my most precious friends. Jenn and I met when we were ten years old living in Nicaragua. We had our rough times, times when one of us would disagree with what the other was doing or disapprove of who the other was hanging out with or dating at the time (usually I was the one disapproving or disagreeing). During these times, there would be chapters of silence in our friendship, where we wouldn't talk to one another for days, even weeks at a time.

I remember one time, Jenn's mom called me and told me not to call Jenn again until Jenn was ready to talk to me. I must have been really mean.

I think I was 12 then.

Throughout the years, the past 12 years, Jenn and I have had some rough times. But we have always held our friendship precious, and each chapter of silence in our friendship always brought about growth and a new appreciation for each other. To this day, I know I will be friends with Jenn forever.

It was such an honor and blessing to be able to stand by her as she vowed to love and cherish Robert for the rest of her life.



I love you Jenn!!!

The second wedding I was in was that of my brother and my new sister-in-law. My brother is one of my role models, a Godly man who has been through a lot and ultimately and obviously loves the Lord.

And his new wife is such a precious friend and part of our family. At first, apparently, it seemed that I was not too fond of her, but I liked her from the very beginning.

She is so sweet and easy to talk to, fun to hang out with, shop with, and do projects with. I'm so proud she's my sister-in-law, and I'm proud of my brother for finding her and marrying her.




The third wedding I was in was my sweet roommate Ashley's. She is one of the Godliest women I know, and has such a kind heart.

Ashley is the girl that was planning her wedding probably since she was four years old, and even though she had no prospects, would buy things like tiaras and ring-bearers pillows on clearance.

Her wedding had more than 300 yards of tulle involved in it some way or another, and we spent hours decorating the church.

The wedding was beautiful, all 7 bridesmaids wore matching champagne dresses and gold ballet shoes, which un planned, matched Ashley's white ballet shoes. We should have been on TV...like TLC's "A Wedding Story" or something like that.

Ashley was a precious friend, amazing roommate, Godly woman, and I know that now Chris has the wife that God intended for him.




All of this to say, that weddings are one of the coolest things to go to, and I was so honored to be a part of all three this summer.

So...

So, I've been praying a lot lately. I just need a lot of patience to keep waiting, and even though it's not fun or easy, I know it will be more than worth it.

Life Soundtrack

I know this is a little lame, and that a lot of people have done it, but I am interested to find out how this turns out....

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool...

Opening Credits:
Some Say-Rascal Flatts

First Day At School:
Fool-Shakira

Falling In Love:
You'll be in My Heart-Phil Collins

Fight Song:
Al Que Me Ciñe-Jesus Adrian Romero

Breaking Up:
His Eye is on the Sparrow-

Prom:
Prisioneros de la Piel-La Ley

Life is good:
That Particular Time-Alanis Morissette

Mental Breakdown:
From My Head to My Heart

Driving:
Manda una Sen-Mana

Flashback:
Inside Us All-Creed

Getting Back Together:
Para tu Amor-Juanes

Wedding:
It Is Well With My Soul-

Birth of Child:
Deliver Us-Prince of Egypt

Final Battle:
A Tu Lado Es Mi Lugar-Jaci Velasquez

Death Scene:
Deep Enough to Dream-Chris Rice

Funeral Song:
One of Your Own-A Knight's Tale

End Credits:
Made My World-Jaci Velasquez

Choices

Over the course of my life, I have encountered situations where I have been forced to make a choice. What to eat for breakfast, for instance, or what to wear to school. Other choices have been more important, such as what college to go to, or what church to join...whether or not to go to church was even a choice I had to make. All in all, choices come every day, important ones, and not so important ones, and we are all forced to make them.

Tonight, as I face the decision of what this year will mean for me, all I can do is look back on the past and assess what the last years have meant for me.

I'll start with my senior year in high school: that year was a big year for decisions. That year, I decided to enter into a relationship with an awesome guy who was in love with Jesus Christ and could not have a conversation without mentioning Him. I also decided that year what college I was going to attend. I thought I had it all figured out....

Freshman year in college meant BIG CHANGE. I was forced to make the choice of what I was going to make of my life in the United States. Was I going to wallow in bitterness at my parents making me "give the States a chance"? Or was I going to make my new life in this new place all that it could be for me? That year, I discovered that some "stupid gringos" (no offense intended, another post will explain this mindset) were not so stupid after all, and decided that some were even nice and worth investing in friendship with. I also made the painful choice to break up with that awesome guy I started dating my senior year in high school, a relationship I had been comfortable with for a year and a half. Freshman year, if i had to give it a theme, was my year of OBEDIENCE. Though I had to make several choices that hurt, I could not have made it without the knowledge that I was being obedient to God's guidance and entrusting Him with knowing what is best for me.

Sophomore year, I think, was my year of trials. My heart needed much healing from having broken off my relationship, and I had blindly dived into a very unhealthy living situation. I was slammed with the reality that everyone is not easy to live with, and that it is important to know what exactly you are getting yourself into when moving in with people. This is not to say that I regret having been in that situation, because I have come out of it a better person, and I hope that the others who were in it also came out of it better people. Persevering through this situation definitely built character in me, and after that situation I reaped the benefits of being placed in a wonderful living situation with the Godliest girls I have ever met in my life.

Junior year, so far, has been a year for me of choosing to believe God. I believe and know that His plans are best for me, and His timing is perfect, but so many times I want to take the control back into my own hands, and when I do, I get disappointed. As the first semester of my senior year/second semester of my junior year unfolds, I will daily have to choose to believe God for His grace.

Care to join me?

Friendship

Yesterday I had the privilege of spending the afternoon and evening with one of the best friends God has ever given me. We've known eachother since we were about two years old, and have been friends ever since. This Christmas break we had a little bit of trouble figuring out where we were going to spend time together, at her house (where it usually happens), or at my house over new years which is the coolest place to be and I wanted her to experience the New Years party in Antigua. Well...neither. We wound up both being stubborn and waiting until the night before she had to go back to the States before we hung out in the capital and just talked and caught up...nothing that hadn't been done over the phone already, but presence is different. The thing about our friendship is that it is sortof a David and Jonathan friendship...we are not afraid to be honest with one another and to admonish eachother. We don't bring one another down, but try and encourage and build eachother up. And we pray for eachother. This is truly probably the best friend I'll ever have, because we've known eachother for 19 years...and will know eachother forever. Can't wait to raise our families together, whether in the same place, or just knowing eachother on certain hoidays and whatnot. My kids will call her Aunt Keeley.

Patience

So, one of my new years resolutions is to read Beth Moore's Praying God's Word Day by Day. On January 3rd, the little paragraph at the top caught my attention MAJORLY and I have been mulling over it ever since I read it. It says,

"Patience to wait does not come from suffering long for what we lack but from sitting long in what we have."

My patience has been drawn so thin some days, that I just want to give up waiting for what I'm waiting for (make sense??) and take things in my own hands. But, this totally gave me a new perspective and a new way to look at what I'm supposed to be being patient for. "Sitting long" in my singleness is something I can do as opposed to "suffering long" for one of the things I desire the most.

Traditions

New Year's Eve in Antigua, Guatemala has been said to be "better than Time's Square." Antigua is where I intend to spend every New Year's Eve possible, starting from when I was in the 10th grade, until I can no longer afford it, or come visit my parents for Christmas. January 1st of every year, about thirty minutes before the sun goes down and it gets dark, the "Santisimo" of Antigua (or some high priest in the Roman Catholic Church here) takes a thirty minute long walk around the central park here in Antigua under a little tent that the parishioners carry for him, streaming incense around the street shooting mortar bombs in front of him as he takes his stroll around the square with everyone following him, maybe as a form of penance for the parishioners. This is his blessing of the square of Antigua and who knows what else it is supposed to do.

This New Year

Well, to start off the new year, I've "resolved" to become a regular blogger. Hopefully this will be a source of encouragement for those who read it, in the regards of knowing that they may not be the only person going through what they are going through whether it be a hard time, or a moment of joy. I hope that it may also be a source of encouragement for those who read it to share in my joy of knowing the Truth and knowing Abundant Life. Have a blessed year, my friends.