A Place to Call My Own

Sometimes I wish I had a place to call my own...
A place where I wouldn't have to worry about coming home from work in a bad mood and having to pretend I'm happy.
A place where I can leave my stuff in the dryer as long as I want without having to take it out or someone take it out for me and completely wrinkle it all.
A place where the kitchen would be clean all the time, and if it were messy it would be my mess and I know I would clean it up.
A place where I could have people over when I wanted them there and kick them out when I felt like being a hermit.
A place where I could unashamedly play my Spanish music loud and not get funny looks from anyone.
A place where I could cook whatever I want and not get funny looks from anyone.
A place where I could fall asleep on the couch and not care if anyone was going to walk in and see me.
A place where more than my bed would be untouched by anyone else.
A place where I could put whatever I wanted on the walls and table, displaying where I came from and who I am.
A place to call my very own.

But I don't have a place to call my very own. I share a place with 4 other precious women, and though sometimes I need a vacation, I wouldn't replace any of them with anyone. And I wouldn't trade my years with them for years of sheer and utter loneliness. I wouldn't trade the fun late-night silliness for more sleep. I wouldn't trade the admonition and advice for no one to talk to.

Holiday Season

My goal for this holiday season is to do my best and appreciate the people I am spending it with for who they are. I love my family...my mom and dad, brother and sister-in-law, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. But the people I am used to spending the Christmas season with are in another country. They are my mission aunts, uncles and cousins, many of whom have watched me grow up since I was a toddler. I love and treasure the traditions of my mission family, so this year I will learn to love and treasure whatever semblance of traditions my biological family puts together.

Christmas in the States, throughout the years that I've been here for them...maybe four or five that I can remember out of my whole life, has always been an array of happenings. I used to look at it positively as having three Christmases in stead of just one. This year I need to learn that my family time matters more than just getting three sets of gifts.

It's interesting, too, how my love language is quality time, yet I don't really look forward to cultivating my relationship with my biological family through spending the little quality time I am able to. I need to look at my missing out on my mission family Christmas as cultivating relationships and spending quality time with my biological family.

Justifying sin.

I've been surrounded for a while by a few Christians who seem to think it's ok to justify their sins. Yes, we're all sinners, I'm in no way perfect. However, there is something very very very wrong with college students calling each other asking if the other has ever written a paper over something and if they can have it to turn in. "most CEOs cheated to get where they are at..." is their excuse. I don't want to hear it. There's also something wrong with someone getting injured and not giving the proper authorities the right information because it's not "pertinent." Yes, I'm a sucker for telling the truth and the whole truth, and I also prefer to not turn something in at all in stead of turning in someone else's work and calling it my own. Of course, these things are not sins that physically hurt other people, and are mostly needed to be dealt with by the person who is committing them, but sin is still sin, no matter who it is against. All sin is committed against God, some is committed against other human beings.

Like I said at first, I'm far from perfect, I have sin that I deal with in my own life, and it's a daily struggle that I have to keep my mind set in the right place in order to take my thoughts captive to the authority of Jesus Christ. Something my pastor has said, and it's one of my favorite lessons I have learned from him, is that the difference between sin in Believers' lives and sin in the lives of un-believers, is that believers have to make a conscious decision to sin. I've thought about this concept a lot, because of how true it is. When I commit sin, I make a conscious choice to do so. I think knowing this truth helps me to not decide to commit sin, though sometimes my flesh causes me to give in.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that, I don't understand how Christians can get off making excuses for their sinful actions.

Sweet treasures from Jesus

Often in my quiet times, which unfortunately I don't have consistently...I'm trying to get better..., Jesus drops sweet treasures in that make me think a lot. Along with reading the Word I have been reading My Utmost for His Highest, something I think every Christian should read. I finally broke down and bought a copy this past summer and I've loved it. This morning I was reading the one entitled "How Could Someone So Persecute Jesus!" and on the last paragraph read something that caught my eye. My friend Oswald writes, "All I do should be based on a perfect oneness with Him, not on a self-willed determination to be godly." WOAH!! it kind of hit me not quite as a slap in the face, but not quite as anything else, either. I wonder often, is all I do based upon a perfect oneness with Him? Or am I out on a self-determined, self-marked path to try and make myself godly?? I think that once I am perfectly one with Him, then is when I will be godly. I think this is a huge encouragement to those of us who try so hard to be godly but constantly find ourselves short of it. Is it easier to be one with Him? Maybe that comes with like-mindedness with Christ. So much to ponder and strive for. Think about it....

Obeying God

I've recently been pondering the different stages that the Lord takes me through in my Spiritual walk. I think during high school, the Lord's theme for my life was teaching me His faithfulness...how incredibly GOOD he is and faithful, so that I could learn to trust Him.

The last few months, though, maybe years, I don't know, God's theme for my life has been Obeying Him. He has taught me to obey Him in so many ways, and taught me about obedience. I guess I started figuring this out when I was working out my call to missions and what God would have me do with that in the next phase of my life, which is rapidly approaching. I was talking to my dad, and he had been speaking with my best friend's father, who was also trying to work out what God would have her do with the next few months of her life. Both of us were struggling with decisions that may take us overseas, to countries we've never been to, languages we've never learned. My dad and my friend's dad were sharing their worries with each other about letting their little girls' out into the world that they'd never been in etc. My dad told me what he told my friend's dad that day, and he said "I guess that's what we get for teaching our children to obey God."

So I've been working this out in my mind, what it means to obey God in all that I do...every day life, every day decisions, and then the big ones. What I strive to do is OBEY GOD.

Worthy is the Lamb

When I was in high school I gained a new appreciation for Worship music. Several girls in my class introduced me to Darlene Czech at Hillsong. Consequently, I started buying Hillsong music, and we all started trading cd's, etc. I must say, this woman is so talented....so so so talented. The Lord has truly blessed this church with amazing worship leaders and inspiration to write songs that have led millions in worship. One song that I know many many people know out of Hillsong is Shout to the Lord. While we barely started singing this song in our churches here in the States about eleven or twelve years ago (from what I can tell...), the copywrite on it is for 1992. I wonder what songs we will be singing in 10 years that the Lord has put on the hearts of those Down Under this year that will lead us over and over again to the Throne...wow.

Here is one of my favorite songs of all time...as sung by Darlene Czech at Hillsong. You can buy it on iTunes...but here are the lyrics. It's amazing and beautiful...I can't say enough.

Worthy Is The Lamb lyrics

Thank you for the cross Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I know
Your forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crown
You reign victorious
High and lifted up
Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

OH and I'll try to be better about posting. I love you all!!

8 random facts...i've been tagged.

So i was tagged by my sweet friend Ashley to do this 8 random facts about myself thing...so here goes.

1. No one would ever know unless they asked and I told them, that I was born in Mississippi.
2. I've never lived in the same house for more than three consecutive years of my life...this apartment at DBU is about to reach its expiration date on my ability to live in it.
3. I've successfully made up and told two cheezy stupid jokes all on my own...and some people think they're funny. I do, though, tend to laugh at my own jokes, which is sad in and of itself.
4. I'm the queen of procrastination, therefore when I have to stay up until 4 in the morning writing a paper, I don't drink caffiene (it does nothing for me, except comfort me in the morning when I don't want to be up yet), I drink water....lots and lots of water to keep myself getting up to move around and go to the bathroom.
5. When I was 19, I hated being 19...it just seemed like a "blah" age to me.
6. My favorite meal of all time consists of grilled beef-steak (thin), on a thick corn tortilla with guacamole all in one bite. yum.
7. Try saying "Iced-quad-venti-six-pump-vanilla-non-fat-upside-down-extra-caramel Caramel Macchiato" fast five times. That's my drink.
8. As much as I love my biological family...grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, my preference is to spend Christmas not in the States with them, but in Guatemala with my mission family, who has been a part of my whole life, has watched me grow up. This holiday season tradition growing up for me consisted of Thanksgiving in a place called Ixchiguan, (one of those last corners of the world before you fall off the face of the earth places), where 30-40 people, young and old, would cram into a small house to spend the night, in super super cold weather. Then, the Christmas party would come and there would be a gift-exchange for the kids and a white elephant game for the adults (including returning college MKs), followed immediately by the MK retreat in the hippy town at the lake with no more supervision then absolutely needed. Later, Christmas would come around, and that was shared with immediate family, and maybe one other family would come over for Christmas dinner. New years was the grand finale, friends of mine and my brother's would come to our house in Antigua (the place to be at New Years) and we'd go down town, to the strip where thousands of people were, watch the fireworks shows, etc. Thus, my Christmas season was super festive with fireworks all throughout and not having to be with my biological extended family.